


My faulty sperm made triplets

by AlphaSara



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Derek and Stiles wanna have a baby, Established Relationship, I'm an idiot -_-, Kira is their baby oven, M/M, Total Friends rip-off, WE'RE HAVING HOW MANY BABIES??????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:18:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaSara/pseuds/AlphaSara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek are making a baby u_u <br/>When their many, many attempts of butt sex baby making fail, they decide to actually use a woman :D <br/>I'm kidding :D <br/>Kira stepps in. <br/>Babies happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My faulty sperm made triplets

“Hello, tiny embryos” Kira smiled down at the Petri dish. “I’m Kira Yukimura, hi” she introduced herself again. “I’m hoping to be your uterus for the next month. I am here auditioning for the role of your birth mom” she smiled nervously. “You should know we’re doing this for Stiles and Derek” she announced with a flail, then a bit louder, “who you know, you’ve been there” , Kita jerked her thumbs over her shoulders, pointing behind the doors where two men were talking to the doctor. 

“They want you so much” , girl sighed. ‘So when you guys get in there, really grab on. “ she clenched her fists as if to demonstrate. “And I promise to keep you safe and warm until you’re ready to have them take you home”, she made a passing on gesture with her arms. “As you can see, I’m really nervous. Hopefully your dads have been through a lot. So how about you guys cut them some slack and you let us do this on our first try” her voice pleaded. “They don’t need any more disappointment in their life. So…” she sighed again. ‘Good luck”

 

With that, a knock came on the door and tall, black woman entered. “Ready?” she asked. Kira just nodded. “Yeah. Let’s do this”   
The woman stepped closer and two men used their chance to glance inside and give Kira wide smiles, Stiles going so far as to give her thumbs up.   
“As we discussed earlier, we will be implanting five embryos” doctor started but was cut off when Stiles choked on something. On air, apparently.   
‘Five? Where is she having a birth, in a hospital or in a basket under the stairs?” Stiles bellowed. 

The woman gave him a small smile. “This way we have at least 25% of a chance that at least one of them will take”  
“Hold on, what?” Derek argued. “So, there’s 75% chances of no baby at all?”   
“Wow, that’s a lot of pressure on me and my uterus” Kira swallowed loudly.  
And that’s’ what Kira was afraid off. That look of “all hope is lost” on their faces.   
“Guys, I told you before, I’ll do this as many times as it takes. I’m sorry it costs 25k every time we do this” she confessed.   
“That’s okay, my bae is loaded” Stiles winked. He shook his head. “It’s okay, we love you no matter what happens, kay?” 

 

Derek walked into the room for a moment and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for doing this” he murmured and with that, he took Stiles’ hand and they stepped out into the hallway.

______________________________________________________________________________________  
“It’s been a week, my faulty sperm obviously failed” , Stiles sulked on the couch. “Told you we should have used yours. I bet werewolf sperm has like tools to get to the egg. Or something” 

Derek just glared at him. “Do you hear yourself?” 

Stiles sulked some more. “Do you hear yourself” he mimicked.   
“Mature. Oh how joyful I am I decide to have children with such mature adult” Derek nagged.   
“Seriously, would your have worked?” his husband asked in a small voice. “I knew that chances are slim to none but still….” 

Derek sighed and moved to wrap his arms around Stiles. “Listen to me and listen to me carefully. We agreed on you. On your being the biological father for our FIRST child” he remembered. “There is no guarantee that it would have worked better with my sperm that it did with yours. Besides, we don’t know it didn’t work”   
‘Derek”, Stiles whined. “It’s been a week, we would have know by now.” 

Loud crash interrupted Stiles’ pity party. “GUYS!!!!” Kira ran into the house, screaming it down and waving a pregnancy stick in the air. “Baby!” she gushed. “You’re gonna have a baby, I’m pregnant!” the girl beamed at them and Stiles promptly tripped over his blanket in his haste to get to her. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
“How are you feeling?” the doctor wanted to know.   
“Fine” Kira answered at the same time Derek said:”A little nauseated” and Stiles followed with:”I think I’m gonna throw up”   
“I was asking the mother but thanks for sharing” the woman rolled her eyes at two men. Their first sonogram was a source of a lot of stress and yelling.   
“This is gonna be a little cold” she smiled at Kira as she applied the gel to her stomach. “Okay” she glided the device over her abdomen. “Hm” she hummed.  
“What?” Stiles yelled, “what’s wrong. Oh my God, I knew I had a faulty sperm” 

 

“Shut up, Stiles” Derek physically covered his husbands mouth.   
“Have we talked about the possibility of multiple babies?” the doctor asked.   
“What?” three people screeched in unison.  
The woman lifted her hand and pointed at the screen. “One…Two…Three”  
Stiles promptly fainted.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“Three?” his voice sounded like he was on helium.   
Don’t get him wrong. Derek loved his husband more than life itself but three little Stiles’ on top of actual Stiles- he was overwhelmed. “You were worried we wont even have one!” 

“These things happen. “ woman defended as Derek advanced into the office.   
“These things happen” he bitched. “That’s all you have to say for yourself. Wow, you people don’t know anything”  
“Sir, please, calm down” she pleaded.   
“I have a husband with concussion and a freaked out surrogate, I will deal with you later” he pointed finger at her. “I’ll be back” he Schwarzenegger-ed her.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________-

“I’m a dead man. Dead. Over. “ Stiles complained all the way back home.   
“I am so sorry” Kira apologized.

Derek growled and pulled the car over. “Okay, you listen to me, both of you. You” he turned to Kira, ‘you are the most amazing girl that ever was and we are BOTH” he hissed that last one out, “eternally blessed for having you in our lives. In my own name and in Stiles’ behalf, thank you”  
He turned to look at the back seat where pale looking Stiles was shaking all over  
‘And you, shut up and stop making her feel like crap. We’re having three kids. Grow up and get over yourself cause newsflash, in nine months we’re gonna have three people who will depend on us 24 hours a day. I am not doing this alone. Now you pull yourself together or the divorce papers will hit you so hard our unborn children will feel it, got it? Good” he didn’t wait for an answer.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
It worked like a charm.   
Stiles got home, cried himself to sleep and tomorrow morning he was back on “daddy track”

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Oh my God, I feel so sorry for you” was second thing John said to Derek, after congratulations. “I went gray from raising him” he tilted his head towards Stiles who was drawing on Kira’s still flat stomach”, I can’t even imagine what’s gonna happen to you. Thank God you’re a werewolf”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Nine months of feet massages, crazy cravings, back pains, fights over nursery color and child names, two boys and a girl, ( which were decided on Sawyer, Jonathan and Luna) later, Kira was screaming in her delivery room with the rest of the pack I the waiting room, biting their nails off.

Loud cry echoed and panting Stiles came running into the waiting room. “I have a baby! Jonathan is here. I have a baby” he screamed out. ‘It’s disgusting, blood covered demon that looks like a raisin but it’s mine and I love it” and with that he ran back into the delivery room.

 

Erica lifted an eyebrow. ‘You know, I love Derek to death but wtf he ever saw in that creature that got him thinking he’s ready to be a parent eludes me.”  
Jackson snorted. “Please, like Derek was thinking. Stilinski probably sucked his brain through his dick”

 

As if on cue, Stiles, even more in disarray came running back outside. “We have a girl, we have a girl!”   
“What does she look like?” starry eyed Isaac asked.   
“So gross” Stiles roared in delight then spun on his heels when Derek loudly called for him, with a warning:”I WILL KILL YOU, STILES. “  
“Those two are parents of a two” Boyd shook his head in disbelief.

 

Ten minutes later . Stiles came outside one last time, screeching at the top of his voice: “Sawyer is a girl, Sawyer is a girl”  
“Wait, what?” Allison squinted.   
“We thought Sawyer was a boy but no penis thus it’s a girl.” Excited dad answered.   
“Is she gross, too?” Scott asked amused.   
“Even more so than the rest of them” Stiles announced with pride.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe they’re ours” Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist and placed his chin on his shoulder as they looked down at the cribs. Three little bundles were sleeping peacefully. Sawyer and Luna were wearing matching white onesies with cloud on them and Jonathan was wearing little werewolf onesie, courtesy of aunt Lydia.  
“I can’t believe you ever married me” Stiles snorted, “let alone procreated with me”

 

Derek just bit his neck playfully.  
They have only just begun.


End file.
